A big-ol' jamboree

Not everything about being a secret agent is all fun and games, a man's gotta make his rent, and this week there's been an overwhelmingly high need for brilliant and talented agents such as myself and manpower.

Hunger was at an all time low. My stomach was burning with fatigue, but the wings were like obstacles to my tired body. Sir Knight JP was polite as always, "is everyone here hydrated and well fed?" he would say. But in my exhaustion the only thing I could say was "uggugguhha", which was actually a haiku about friendship, but my vocal skills failed me.

Wings were probably good, but I could only stomach a fraction of the multitude that I had been presented, the beer, however was a glorious victory in my mouth. This week I drank the Ayinger "Celebrator" as per the recommendation of the wise and kind secret agent Johnny Utah. A Bavarian doppelbock, the Celebrator was, though a hefty price, (7.00 USD) it was well worth every penny, it was simply one of the best beers I have ever drank in my entire life. it reminded Ducas LeReese that there is a meaning to our existence on this planet and it made me feel good inside.

Sir Knight JP has an odd tendency to lower the music whenever a customer makes requests with the robot that DJ's at the penguin. Intel reports that this is because Sir Knight JP's cool jazz is the only music that satisfies customers without the unsettling side-effect of waking the fearsome penguin deity that sleeps beneath the Brigham circle plaza. We happen to think that the penguin would like DEVO, tatu, Hocus Pocus by Focus, daft punk, The Yarbles, and madonna, Sir Knight JP digresses.

Cakescapades consisted of 4 whoopie pies and a gallon of patchwork chocolate and vanilla ice cream from hood. A dog tried to kill us. The owner explained in a kind fashion "Oh you have ice cream? Oh he'll kill you. No I'm serious, he'll kill you. For ice-cream, yeah he'd kill anybody." After lathering the owner with our Hood brand ice-cream and watching her own dog devour her whole (it was a big dog) we decided to roll around in the soft grass of Happy Hill and enjoy the fine intricacies of life. Happy Hill was founded by Seamier J. Hapihil in 1904 as a monument to himself after inventing kittens, juggling, and smiles. Happy Hill is actually entirely landfill excavated from, the once prominent, Roxbury fixture, "Suffer Knoll"; proving that no man can move mountains, wrong, wrong, wrooooongggg!

Later in the night during our post-cakescapade romp, we encountered two ninja warriors battling for their honor in the streets of mission hill. Ducas LeReese was much impressed with their showing. Much like street hockey the event was postponed due to traffic.

Escaping with my wings, which I was not able to finish, we needed to make a quick getaway. Thankfully secret agent Man Power was clever enough to have found a multi-braker, tri-rotor, custom-fibepanel supercar. Traveling at mach 8 we were able to reach the Holiday Ranch before Midnight.

In other news, on an interplanetary mission, I traveled to satellite 99, my first thoughts upon my arrival was that the value of the Zargonian "bif" was heavily inflated, to my surprise I was wrong, though the wings on S99 cost 100 bif apiece, (slightly more than our dollar) my 1000 bif dinner was surpisingly superior. the Zargonian chicken is born without any skeletal structure, therefore they yield a clear advantage over Earth chickens with sheer convenience. It is most unfortunate that United Nations regulations prohibit the importation of Zargonian livestock on account of their tendency to mutate and become aggressive in our atmosphere. these wings were delicious, they came with much more blue cheese than our typical outing would bless us, as well as a cup of celery. now, the most incredible thing about these floppy, moist, and buttery Zargonian wings was that they were absolutely slathered with honey barbecue sauce, the kind that even Baby Ray would be impressed by! I pray for the day wherein Earth restaurants might carry honey bbq sauce wings for 10 cents apiece. my childhood friend and human-plus companion Vyers Chrono-7, with whom I was traveling, agreed that the food, (and the android women) were, for the most part, the highlight of his trips to Zargon's surrounding outposts.
See you next week.
-Secret Agent Razzle Dazzle

But wait there's more! It's time fore the Secret Agent Man Power minute with your host Secret Agent Man Power.
Well it appears that while I was out burning rubber in my new supercar Razz-L Dazz-L has pretty much informed you of tonight's happenings. Well I bet you didn't remember that 12 years ago today the lovely princess of Wales was kill by Godzilla as she drove through an underpass did you? So that's why I couldn't be around for most of this report. As a Welshman it is my duty to drive at excessive speeds every twelve years on my lady's birthday. Because Princess Di loved eggs, and eggs come by the dozen, and Cheaper by the dozen was a bad movie starring Steve Martin, and Steve Martin was in Novocain with Kevin Bacon, and Bacon goes good with eggs. That's why I do it.
Also I'll have you know we had a full cast of characters at our table tonight. Ducas LeReese, C.Q. Clover, Inspector Jumpjet, Juggernaut Johnson and eight-hundred of his shadowy minions, Raver Neighbor, Fistosaur, and Hovergirl who was late and entered with a surly "Hey Jumpjet! You know that indent in the bottom of a refrigerator where all the foul liquids collect and turn to puss? That's your mom." She then vomited on the Queen of England who was in town to applaud how fast I can go in my new supercar.
Also I'll have you know that I'll be visiting the outer spiral arm of the Upper Valley Galaxy sometime next week to take core samples of their foreign wings and sign autographs. Which is a perfect segway into some wings I had recently at a sub-station called "The Red Hat"... Oh I only have 15 second. Oh, well okay... The wings were better then the Penguin and cost the same, the waitress was nice, but a Coke cost me four goddamn dollars! Goodnight... We've got a few more seconds? Oh well, be sure to...

This has been a broadcast of the Petty Bar Foods Testing and Refinement Committee. We hope that you enjoyed this program and that you'll be just as intrigued by the following six hours of broadcast tones. Goodnight.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep