Man was my power low. It was so hot and muggy today I could have rubbed flaming Vick's Vapo Rub all over my body and gotten the same effect. Thank God I got water-boarded though, it's less expensive than going to the pool.
I found the gang in our pleasant corner of satisfaction chowing away. They all greeted me as Nathan, which I guess was some sort of inside joke they'd formulated in my absence. I shruggingly resigned to their snickering and ordered the usual. Missing from the regular Penguin buzz was Sir Night JP... Oh damn a typo. Oh how I wish I wasn't using a type writer right now. In JP's presence was the much dreaded Bishop Jughead. I threw her the evil eye upon which her return glance made me go blind for eight minutes. Luckily I've spent long nights mapping out the Penguin completely by feel, smell, and sonar; getting all the little intricacies under my skin and knowing beyond all doubt that Penguin Pizza was a living, breathing, entity existing to serve, biting it's lip, holding it's breath in anticipation of our smile.
The scent of my buffalo wings brought my vision rushing back along with tears of pain, because boy were they spicy. Inspector Jumpjet sat in between Hovergirl and a Ghost. Upon his aviator's chest was a shirt that read "My other girlfriend is cool". I was glad to see the inspector finally giving that uppity Hovergirl her comeuppance. Conversation strayed from scientific discoveries to "your mom looks like this ugly guy in a movie" debates. During a brief lull Secret Agent Razzle Dazzle did a back flip and everyone in the bar applauded, with exception of Bishop Jughead of course whose arms are tentacles allowing her no physical means to clap. I hope she dies.
Because we were forced to go to Defcon 2 in her presence we had to treat Sweet Baby Ray like a stowaway taking him out, only briefly, for his honey-BBQ goodness and then placing him below the table again and out of sight of the devious eyes of our wretched foe whose skin is like sand paper and voice has similar qualities. The regular wings all and all were quite good this week. Juicy, meaty, they didn't complain, I didn't complain.
Inspector Jumpjet and Hovergirl boarded their dirigible and floated fondly away. Juggernaut Johnson mounted his shadowy minion and road off into the sunset. The ghost told me my father was proud of me and faded away with a smile. Wing night, having wrapped up so nicely I decided to leave the full bounty of change from Madam Assassin, and it was at that moment Bishop Jughead came to clear our table. She eyed the bag of change we'd left as tribute, which quite possibly was a 50% tip. "What is that?"...
Moment's pause.
"What!? Did you trainer not feed you your rotting fish this morning or were you too busy shedding your skin you goddamn lizard! Evil, you're evil! We can't even buy you off. EVIL! EVIL! EVI..." At that Bishop Jughead threw a fireball in my face burning off my scalp and is why I write this entry with a wig on.
Apparently I continued on for quite sometime in a waking comatose, as if sleepwalking, as we journeyed through Stop & Shop. And as we journeyed we didn't stop believing even though Razzle Dazzle's earlier scouting had revealed a dry well of day old baked good. Instead we splurged on angle food cake, ice-cream sandwiches,
french vanilla ice-cream, cereal of all varieties, and a slice of cheesecake. We found out what Spumoni was, how it related to Neapolitan, and why Neapolitan has the name it does. Wanna know? Well go look it up in a book, lazy. Afterward we waltzed through the shimmering fields of Happy Hill. It was there that my life ended.The ice-cream with ice-cream sandwiches in it was so good I could swear my life just ended.
Goodnight sports fans.
Wings: Solid
Atmosphere: Pound it
Service: Check you later
Hunger Rating: Respect
Cakescapades: Yo Yo Yo I'm bought' ta drop da' bawm in dis' hawz
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